the study of success

One of the most powerful concepts that you can internalize is the unique, individual nature of success. Success is not something that we see and replicate by following another person’s journey step by step. Success, at most, is a few quickly discernible principles. In fact, not realizing it and trying to follow the words and wisdom of another person too closely is why so many seek and yearn for success and supposedly do what’s needed, and then never get there. 

To embrace the ideal of identity is to be loyal to all that makes us who we are. 

• To be true to who we are.
• To be genuine to ourselves and to others. 
• To embrace our ideas and desires. 
• To give credence to our dreams and goals. 
• To follow our instincts in order to win our own successes, learn from our own failures, and seize our own opportunities. 

Those who are the most successful in life – whether it be financially, or in their career, in their personal lives, or whatever else – they are the ones who embrace and value and celebrate their uniqueness and the inner intuition and stream of creativity and desire. They are living their lives. They are learning and questioning and experiencing and living a life that is full of first-hand experience. They aren’t living under a rock, they’re out and free in the open.

Those who are least successful in life – no matter what the area may be – they are the ones who ultimately are shunning their inner independence and likely following the perspectives, beliefs, urges, and orders of others. There’s a lot of moving parts and aspects to their lack of success, and it would be foolish to say that it’s something that will ever truly be explained in full. That being said, the markers are numerous; they are the ones whose beliefs are rife with things that don’t work for them, they react emotionally and far too quickly without considering, they are inconsistent, they are unbalanced in their time, they don’t take their failures for what they are – opportunities to learn – and consider what the feedback is, but more than anything, they are not following their unique inner desires and urges in a genuine manner. They have fallen prey to a combination of very primordial psychological survival mechanisms, a lack of logic and introspection, and a submission to the opinions of others and a perspective of pessimism. 

There’s nothing wrong with taking the advice and recommendations of others into consideration, but they should never be taken full-stop without any question or consideration as absolute truth. The desire to belong and be part of a pack, to be safe and secure, and to have the approval of others is strong, but we cannot quell our own inner voice and energy and vision and all the power and joy that can come from it to feed 

In a world of labels and conformity and methods and instructions and guides, we’re all looking for a match – a label that fits us, a guide that teaches us, a lifestyle that suits us. We have to stop that, and really get in touch with our internal compasses and let that be the guide. 

Finding Your Identity

If I had to characterize the principle of identity with a character trait, I think it would be bravery. Bravery is the catalyst for discovering one’s identity. Mix the world, you, your experiences, and bravery, and you will find yourself and all that you need to know to become who you were meant to be.

We are unfortunately taught conformity and submission from a young age. Our emotional and primal desire to survive is met with a compelling offer, the experiences and recommendations of others, and the evidence of success in their lives to support these ideas. This is not to say that you can’t live a decent life following the recommendations and footsteps of others, or that the advice of others has no value – after all, I’m writing this book, and you’re reading it – but I would say that if you follow someone else’s guidance, it would pay for it to be someone who has a little more expertise on the subject than your average Joe. Or that you at least stop to understand and consider it before internalizing it. Finding your identity hinges on bravery, conviction, and determination. 

When you discover and embrace your identity, you really start creating your life, and galvanizing a more solid version of yourself. For many people, this can be a very emotional thing, sometimes bad, sometimes good. It can involve uncovering old memories, coming to terms with things that happened that caused us to get on a default track of blindly following the advice of others. But any discomfort is eventually met with the joy of uncovering the energy and the zest for life that lives within us. Some of the areas we look at when we reconcile the us of now with the ideal us are and find clues to help us craft our life and hone our identity:

• Relationships – what have our relationships with family, with friends, and romantic relationships taught us? How have our relationships over the years affected us and influenced the person we’ve become. Who has been a strong, pivotal source of encouragement and influence? Who has held us back, made us feel inadequate, or hard-to-love? What have we learned from those people, both good and bad? How have these people influenced our view of humanity as a whole? What deserves changing, and what deserves increasing?
• Jobs – what our jobs have taught us about who we are? What types of work do we like doing, or not like doing? What are we really good at, and what do we wish we were better at? What do we see ourselves doing, like as a dream job? What opportunities do we see that we have ideas on how to fix?
• Interests – what do we enjoy doing in our free time? What interests do we have? What pastimes do we enjoy? What childhood / adolescent / earlier interests did we used to have and haven’t touched in years? What would we do if money were no object?
• Passions – what do we feel strongly about? What things have happened in our life that have had a huge impact on us? What do we do that we enjoy and get a feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction out of? What makes us feel like we’re making a difference in the world?

Becoming a genuine version of yourself is an all or nothing thing. It doesn’t have to happen all at once, and you don’t have to share every single part of yourself with the world, but you will not reach your full potential until you embrace at first internally and over time externally every little thing about yourself, and approach life with the conviction and belief and knowing that it won’t always be easy, but it will be fun, and worth it, and worthwhile when you’re doing what you want and feel and need to do.

Finding Your Energy

In order to be a more genuine version of ourselves, a big part of that is acknowledging our dreams and visions for our life, and making a commitment, in time, to work toward achieving them. Dreams and visions and goals are fun to attain, but more importantly, they provide us with the energy and motivation we need on a day-to-day basis to keep going when things get rough, to fuel our desire for a “why” deep down inside, but most importantly, to give us experiences and opportunities to try, to fail, to learn, and to become better. 

Charting out our dreams and goals and visions for ourselves helps to keep us motivated, and also keep us on track toward a bigger, better version of ourselves. I started doing this a couple years ago, and I’ve found that it is an extremely powerful thing to do. The most important thing is to be flexible with it, and to realize that over time, things may change. You may not want to, you may be in love with what you’ve got planned, and you may feel like you’ll let yourself down if you’re not achieving it, or constantly moving forward toward it. 

At the end of the day, if it feels right, then it’s authentic and genuine. If it feels forced or contrived, you’re trying too hard. If you’ve lost interest, the direction of the journey is shifting. Be open to the change. Be open to the shifts. Be open especially to the times where you’re just worn out and you want and need time to do other things, see other interests, have fun, and enjoy life without constantly trying to work toward a goal. 

Embrace your identity like it’s the code for your life.